Afraid of losing you
by Mlie-Redfield
Summary: Oneshot. AU-story. Something horrible happened on the last mission. Claire doubts Carlos's explanation.


"Claire, I…" he was not sure how he should complete the sentence. The two of them were sitting on the back-porch of the Redfield-residence, where Claire was living with her brother's wife. At least for now. Carlos let out a sigh. He had always been good with words (and ladies), but this was a situation that he was not comfortable in, and he certainly did not like it. Not one bit.

Claire was gazing at something in the far distance. She was leaning slightly forward with her arms lazily crossed around her legs.

"…I honestly don't know what to say…" he said after a while, hating himself more and more as time went by. He did not want to do this, but he knew deep down that it was inevitable.

So did she.

There was no reply from her. She was biting her lower lip, her thoughts racing. She knew what was about to happen, what he was about to say.

"You're not making this easier for me…"

She stood up, still with her arms crossed. She turned around and looked at him with a sad, yet somehow angry look in her eyes. "So what? Do you _want_ this to be easy?"

"No, of course not, Claire. You know that's not what I meant." He regretted making the call, regretted asking them to meet. Mostly because he had used the phrase 'we need to talk'. Weeks had passed of her not answering or returning his calls or replying to the text messages he had been sending her. He had gotten tired of not getting through to her, but today, he finally had.

"Don't think I don't know what you're about to say to me." she said, her voice trembling from the tears that she so desperately wanted to hold back. She did not want to cry. Not now. Not in front of him.

He sighed, leaned forward and placed his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He shook his head. "I know, Claire, believe me. I don't want to hurt you." he looked at her.

"You already have." she could not hold back the tears any longer. She was tired. So, so tired. Of all of this. She honestly thought that she would have run out of tears by now, after all of the crying these past few weeks.

Seeing her cry always made his heart hurt. This time more than ever. He kept wishing everything would go back to the way it was, but he knew in his heart that that was not possible. Not after what he had done. Saying that it had been an accident would not make him come back.

She had already lost two people that she had cared about, and she was about to lose Carlos too.

"I know what you're about to say. I know why you wanted to see me." her voice was shaking, the tears still falling down her face. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" she turned away from him and walked up to the railing. She closed her eyes, and let the tears fall freely.

"Claire…" he sighed once again, biting his lower lip. "I really don't want to."

"But you're going to?"

He was quiet for a moment. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

"Well, news flash, Carlos!" Claire replied angrily in a loud voice. "It did happen. It did. He's- he's _dead_, and he's not…" her voice failed her. It was as if she was realizing that one agonizing fact for real. Her legs were shaking as she sat down on the floor of the porch. She just wanted to scream – scream it all out. It was too much to bear, yet she could not gather enough energy to express her feelings through screaming.

"I can't do this anymore, Claire!" Carlos, on the other hand, had no problem screaming. "You can't just blame me for all of this! I didn't want it to happen!"

"Then let's _don't_." Claire glared at him as she stood up and walked inside, slamming the door shut behind her. She was exhausted. She had not been able to sleep through a whole night in a long time. It was as if she was broken inside. At least she was sure that her heart was.

Carlos, still outside on the porch, hit one of the pillars. Hard. He was angry. Why would she not understand that he did what he could to save him? That it was already too late when they reached him? His wounds had been fatal. Carlos could not even imagine how painful it must be for Claire. But it was not his fault. He had tried. He really had. Sure, he had had some falling outs with her brother through the years, but that did not mean that he had wanted him to _die_. But how could he explain that to her when she refused to listen?

"Carlos, what's going on?" Jill asked as she got out on the porch. "Claire's in her room, crying. She won't let me in."

"Carlos looked at her with tired eyes. "Jill… I'm pretty sure that your sister-in-law hates me…"

"Really?"

"I honestly expected you would too." he said quietly, looking away from her.

"Carlos…" she walked up to him. "I was there, she wasn't. I know what really happened, she just heard about it when we got home."

"It doesn't seem like you're upset…"

"I have to be strong for her, Carlos. "She's my sister-in-law."

"And he was your husband."

"I know it wasn't your fault. Like I said, I know how it happened. It's devastating, but I can't change anything no matter how badly I want to." she sat down on the bench. Carlos joined her.

"At least you're willing to listen to me…" he mumbled. "Claire just hates me."

Jill looked at him. "I want to hate you too. It would make this whole situation a lot easier if I could just blame someone. But I can't break down when she's this upset. He was his only family."

"She has you."

"Yeah, but you're the one she needs."

He stood up and walked to the railing. "She wants nothing to do with me. She won't even listen."

"You came here to break up with her, didn't you?"

He turned around. "What else am I supposed to do!? She _hates _me, Jill! The woman I love hates me."

"Breaking up with her when she's already broken and devastated won't make her feel better."

"Well, maybe _I'll_ feel better."

"She loves you." Jill said. "And she trusts you to love her too."

"I… I just… _can't_."

Jill sighed, stood up, and walked inside.

Carlos followed her. "I just need her to understand my point of view."

"Carlos… you've done enough."

"Jill, please."

"Just… give her a few more days."

"I've waited for _weeks_ already! I can't do this anymore!"

"She needs time, Carlos!"

"Well, I think she's gotten enough of that. I'm going to finish this. You can't stop me."

"I know I can't…" she sighed. "Just… don't make it any worse."

"I can't promise anything…" Carlos said as he walked towards Claire's room. He knocked on the door. "Claire?" No reply. "Claire, open the door!"

"Or what, will you break it? You've already destroyed everything else!" Claire shouted.

"Claire, come on!"

"No! I'm breaking up with _you_, so just leave me alone!"

"I'm not the one who killed him!" he shouted. "I'm the one who tried to _save_ him! You weren't there, so you can't just put this on me!"

She unlocked the door and opened it slightly. "I told you leave." her sadness was more and more turning into anger. "I'm done. We're done." She slammed the door closed.

"_Claire_! I didn't kill your brother!" he screamed. But there was no reply. He had nothing more to say. She would not listen, would not talk to him. She would not let him explain. He wondered what it would be like if he had died instead of Chris. He left the Redfield-residence. The rain was pouring down. The rain usually reminded him of how they had met. Now it just reminded him of what would never be. His had been afraid of losing her. Now there was nothing he could do to make things the way they had once been. It was over.


End file.
